Uncertainty, An Introduction to Section 3 (by Andrew)

When you’re growing up, nobody tells you about the vast amount of uncertainty that you will face throughout life. There’s uncertainty about college acceptances and romantic possibilities; there’s uncertainty about medical results or job opportunities. But there’s no classes or formal education provided to any of us on how to deal with uncertainty in our lives.  So we’re all left to our own devices and the challenges we face on our road to adulthood to figure out how best to proceed when faced with the great unknown.

I was too young when my parents got divorced to understand the uncertainty it must have caused in my household. I recall switching schools in 5^th grade but I remember that more as an adventure than as a challenge. My first summer away from home wasn’t until I was 16. I had my first roommate that summer, cooked my own food, and found my own way around Peterborough, New Hampshire. But I don’t remember feeling especially uncertain. Again, it was just another adventure.

Then college, moving to Los Angeles, getting my first few jobs- all of these had elements of uncertainty which were accompanied by excitement and energized me. They didn’t give me that feeling of uneasiness or worry that I’m so accustomed to as an adult. When did I lose my sense of adventure and possibility? When did “what next?” become “what now?”

As I think on these things, I’m reminded of the challenges my grandmother faced in 1924. It was a big year in the Oppenheimer family, full of possibility.

The big event of the new year was Elsie’s marriage to Achilles Levy in the end of January.  Achilles was a successful butcher who had come to know Elsie through his relationship with her father. He used to purchase some of his meat from Papa. Known to his friends and family simply as Oscar, Elsie’s new husband was a stereotypical butcher- a big fat guy with giant hands and a jovial demeanor. He was considered a wonderful match for Elsie.

The wedding was a grand event at the Hotel Astor in Manhattan’s Times Square. Friends and family came to celebrate from all around the surrounding area. Elsie was the first of the Oppenheimer girls to marry and the wedding reflected the family’s excitement about the events of the day.

After the wedding, the family returned home and that evening, Papa died suddenly in the bathroom.

“Papa died suddenly, in the bathtub,” Ruth writes. “And we are dissolved in tears, all of us, and I subsequently picked up with George a little stronger than I did when Papa was alive. And that was not for a long time. But Papa knew George. I remember seeing his disappointment in me for seeing such a person, but he never stated it.”

About a month after Papa’s death, the family decided to proceed with Clara’s wedding to Morris Sarnoff. Morris and Clara had been in love for many years (if you believe what’s recorded in my grandmother’s writing, they had become engaged seven years earlier!) Clara’s wedding was supposed to be at the Hotel Astor just as Elsie’s had been but things didn’t go according to plan. Clara recalled her wedding in a conversation with Ruth:

“It was sad. Papa died the month before. Instead of being at the Astor Hotel, it was at home. I will never forget my dress. It was like a tablecloth, made of Satin Damast. Madame Freid, Mama’s dressmaker, made it. And I wore Mama’s Alencon Lace veil as Elsie had on the previous January. Uncle Isie threw popcorn at me as we were leaving. It stuck to me and I cried.”

Ruth was the consummate little sister:

“What I did,” she wrote, “was make fun of Uncle Isie after Clara left. We always used to laugh at him because he was short, funny looking, and wore heavy glasses just like the cartoon character Barney Google. I yelled ‘Barney Google with your goog goog googily eyes.’”

I’m impressed, looking back, on how my grandmother tried to turn a negative into a positive. It’s something I have always tried to do in my own life. And consistent with my experiences as a child, the uncertainty only led to a new adventure. My grandmother wrote about the new developments:

“After Papa’s death, my love affair with George became very intense. It was intense enough that my mother recognized it loud and clear and she said ‘Over and out, and you too are now going to California. Aunt Millie and Uncle Max and your brother are there and you will complete your education out there.’ I had no time. I had to go directly into college. I had graduated from high school and I was going into college. George was already at CCNY.”

And so in a matter of months, Ruth’s life was turned upside down. Her two sisters were married, her beloved Papa passed away, and she was shipped across the country to pursue life in California with her Aunt Millie in San Francisco.

I went to California University in mid-session. Uncle Max and Aunt Millie knew the president of the school intimately. Dean Deutsch became the head of California University shortly after I got there and he said that there was no reason why I shouldn’t enter the school.

“Our school is right for you, “ he said. “Your credentials prove that you belong here. Let’s try it.”

  So I tried it but I was crying all the time because I didn’t have George. And then I discovered a whole new world living in San Francisco.

My grandmother’s adventures in San Francisco and Berkeley will follow in the next few posts. It is clear that her time in the Bay Area had a tremendous impact on her worldview. Whether she was learning from her professors at UC Berkeley or her Aunt Millie or the other artists who boarded in the same house with her in San Francisco, my grandmother maintained her curiosity, her enthusiasm for life, and her courage.

There is uncertainty in all our lives. The trues test of your ability to live life to the fullest is in how you handle the unexpected. When I look back at Ruth’s response to the great upheaval in her life, I am impressed that she was able to find a clear path forward. Throughout her life, she did the same, demonstrating tremendous strength and resolve no matter what challenges came her way. I marvel at how my grandmother received each new challenge. It provides an important lesson to me as I face uncertainty each day, whether with my kids, or my job, or whatever life has to offer. If we rise to the challenge and greet the uncertainty with a sense of adventure, a sense of excitement, and a sense of possibility, there’s nothing we can’t handle.

Part of the process of keeping this blog is to remind myself of the influence my grandmother has had on my life. When I began reading her writing, I was touched and amazed at how her stories have spoken to me. My grandmother was an incredible woman. And even today, more than 15 years after her death, she’s still providing life lessons- the kind they don’t teach in school.

Next week, in San Francisco!